The Dangers of Cooking
by Overlyinspired
Summary: Deidara scorches himself cooking and Sasori helps him with the burns..........I couldn't really think of a summary. SasoDei. Don't like, don't read.


Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. TT.TT It's horrible, but true.

Sasori sighed and glared down at the creature in front of him. If he hadn't known better, he would have sworn that the scorpion was glaring right back.

"Dammit, you stupid creature. Sting the bottle!" He hissed. The scorpion twitched its tail slightly, but didn't react. Sasori scowled and nudged the thing with the bottle, hoping to provoke it into stinging. He needed the damn creature's venom for a new poison that he was working on, but the scorpion refused to sting! What kind of scorpion refused to sting?!

Eventually, the scorpion got fed up with Sasori's persistant prodding and lashed out, imbedding its tail in the top of the bottle. The puppet master watched with satisfaction as a few drops of milky white liquid dripped to the bottom of the bottle. He dropped the scorpion back into its tank. It clicked its pincers threateningly before deciding that Sasori wasn't worth its trouble. Good scorpion. Sasori put a real top on the vial to keep from losing any of the vemon and sat back. There was something wrong...it was too quiet. Wait, quiet? Where was Deidara? The puppet's partner could always be found somewhere nearby, causing havoc and whatnot. What was going on? Hm...probably nothing anyway. As far as Sasori knew, Deidara, Itachi, and Kisame were the only other Akatsuki members still at the base. Itachi wouldn't bother to kill Deidara, and Kisame would make more noise if he was attempting to do so. So Deidara was probably fine. Right? Right.

"DANNA! SASORI-DANNA!" He heard his partner suddenly shriek. He thought for a few moments, and then decided not to move. His poison required perfection, and he really wanted to use it on the next mission. Another shriek echoed through the base. Sasori's hand twitched slightly. Damn...he wouldn't be able to finish the poison at this rate. He sighed slightly and carefully put the vial in a case to keep it from breaking in some violent boredom of Deidara's.

"What is it, brat?" Sasori called, closing the door of his room behind him. A strangled whimper echoed through the hallway. The puppet could only sigh again. Dammit, what had Deidara gotten himself into now? Sasori frowned and walked down the hall into the kitchen. A huge pot lay overturned on the floor, and Sasori's partner was slumped nearby.

"Sasori-danna?" He whimpered. Deidara lifted his head slightly, revealing a blue eye that was swollen from crying.

"What happened this time, brat?" He asked. Deidara held up his arms, which, Sasori now saw, were red and blistering.

"The pot...it fell and I caught it, un...ow..." Deidara's voice came out as a weak whine. Sasori uncurled Deidara's fingers to find that the blond ninja's palms were no better off. The tongues from his handmouths lolled uselessly. Deidara couldn't muster up the will to cause himself the pain it would take to close the mouths.

"How on earth did a pot that big fall?" Sasori asked skeptically, still inspecting his partner's hands and arms.

"I don't know, un. It was fine...and then I left the room for a second...and...," Deidara shook his head in confusion. The blond bangs that covered his left eye flopped from side to side with every movement of his head.

"What were you doing with the pot anyway?" As far as Sasori knew, Deidara couldn't cook. Actually, Itachi had once told Sasori, in his ever-present monotone, that he should investigate the uses of Deidara's cooking as a poison.

"I was starving, Sasori-danna!" He whined. "Itachi and Kisame went out on a quick mission early this morning, un. There weren't any leftovers to heat up, and you were going to pummel me if I disturbed you! I was just gonna make some rice, un." Hm...that was actually true. With Itachi and Kisame gone, and Sasori working in his room, there was no one left to make food. So, in some screwed up way, was this Sasori's fault? Damn.

"Come on, brat." Sasori grabbed Deidara's upper arm and pulled him upright.

"Where are we going, un?" Deidara asked. His hands still hung limply, like he wasn't able to move his wrists.

"My room," Sasori said simply. He was a poison master. Poisons needed antidotes. Many poisons caused burns. Deidara was burned. Made sense to him.

"Why, un?" Deidara asked.

"Shut up, brat." Sasori said coldly. Deidara frowned and looked down. What was with his danna? First he was being nice, well as nice as Sasori ever was, and then he was all mean again. Was it something he had said? All he had asked was why they were going to Sasori-danna's room. His danna probably just thought that he a nuisance and didn't want to waste his time.

"Sasori-danna?" Deidara asked hesitantly. Sasori rotated his head all the way around to stare flatly at Deidara.

"What, brat?" He pushed the door to his room open and pushed Deidara inside. His partner gave him a look that seemed almost...frightened.

"Danna, what are you doing?" He asked. Sasori shoved him in the general direction of the bed and turned to rummage through his vials of antidotes and poisons.

"Looking for something to help those burns of yours." Deidara blinked a few times before sitting down on the bed. He jumped up with a shriek when something brushed against his back. Sasori turned back from his workspace just as Deidara dove for him. The puppet master found himself pinned to the ground by a hysterical Deidara.

"DANNA, THERE'S A BUG OR SOMETHING ON THE BED!" Sasori rolled his eyes, a habit he had retained when he had become a puppet, and shoved Deidara off of him. The blond man fell onto his back, whimpering faintly. He had thrown his arms back to catch himself, as was habit. Poor Deidara. His full weight had landed on the burns. Sasori stood, ignoring Deidara's watering eye, and walked over to the bed. There was something on the bed. Sasori picked it up. Oh. The mate for the scorpion that he taken venom from earlier. How had it gotten out? Oh well.

"It's a scorpion, Deidara," Sasori held it out for his partner to see. The blond boy stared at the creature, his single eye wide. As the scorpion twitched its tail (in a gesture that Sasori in Hiroku often used as a threat), Deidara scooted back. His arms were held defensively in front of him, although the tongues of his handmouths still lolled.

"Why...why do you have that thing, un?" He whispered. Sasori raised one eyebrow. Hm...so Deidara was afraid of scorpions? He thought things over for a second, and then held it out farther. Deidara squeaked and pulled back. Sasori smirked, faintly amused. This was fun. Maybe he could...damn. He had to treat his idiotic partner's burns.

"I use its venom in some of my poisons." He turned and placed the scorpion back in the tank with its mate. "Now, get up off of the floor. I found the burn salve." Deidara tried to get up using only his legs, but failed.

"I can't, Sasori danna, un." He said, looking up at Sasori pitifully. Sasori rolled his eyes again and hauled Deidara to his feet.

"On the bed, brat." He ordered, holding up a jar. Deidara quickly obeyed and held his arms out. No need to piss his danna off. Sasori unscrewed the cap of the jar and dipped his fingers into the salve. He always kept some around for safety's sake, even though he'd never actually need it himself. Deidara whimpered slightly as Sasori grabbed his left hand and started to rub the salve into the burned flesh.

"Ow, un! Be careful, Sasori-danna." Deidara flinched at Sasori's flat glare. He quickly looked away. Sasori simply continued to rub the salve. He was careful, but the tongue of Deidara's left handmouth got some of the salve on it. It gagged loudly and spat. "Ew...that tastes really bad, un."

"You're not supposed to taste it, brat. Keep those mouths shut." He ordered. Deidara nodded and attempted to close the handmouths. He didn't want to taste the stuff at all.

"Ow..." He whimpered. The tongues of his handmouths licked the lips around them in a futile attempt to soothe the burned skin. Deidara felt tears welling up in his single eye. Sasori glanced up at Deidara's face and brushed the tears away. The salve would wash away at the slightest excess moisture.

"Stop crying, Deidara." Sasori ordered. His partner blinked at him, confusion written across his face.

"Sasori-danna?"

"Stop crying. If you get any moisture on this salve it'll wash it away. I only want to do this once." Deidara nodded silently and fought back the tears that threatened to spill. Of course. It figured that the one time that Sasori really acted like he might have cared, it was only for his own convienence.

Sasori looked up at Deidara again, noting that the blond man was biting through his lip in an attempt to keep the tears from flowing. Damn...why the hell did he feel guilty about the tears?! WHY?! Wasn't putting himself in a puppet's body supposed to stop these kinds of problems?! Without realizing it, his grip on Deidara's wrist had tightened exponentially, and Deidara yelped loudly. Sasori didn't even notice, as he was so engrossed in his own thoughts. Deidara squirmed and whimpered quietly. He couldn't break Sasori's grip, but his danna was hurting him!

"Sasori-danna," he whimpered quietly. His partner seemed not to hear him, but his grip tightened. Deidara yelped again. He could feel the bones under his burned skin being ground together. "Sasori-danna!" No response. "Sasori-danna!" The redhead blinked and released Deidara, looking as though he had just been snapped out of some deep thoughts. "Sasori-danna, you were hurting me," Deidara whimpered quietly. He held his arms tightly against himself, ignoring the pain of the burns. It was better than having his bones crushed by a zoning out Sasori.

"Hn. Now give me your arm," Sasori said monotonously. He held out his own hand. Deidara whimpered quietly and shook his head. No way was he letting Sasori touch his arm again!

"No, Sasori-danna. I can do it myself," He recieved a flat glare.

"Give me your arm, brat." He ordered. Deidara shook his head again. Sasori's eyes narrowed, and his voice became a snarl. "Give me your arm, Deidara, or I swear, you will find scorpions everywhere you go for the next month." Deidara whimpered and hesitantly held his arms out to Sasori. A strong hand roughly grabbed his arm, and Deidara bit his lip painfully, actually drawing blood from his lip.

"Sasori-danna, that hurts..." He said quietly. Sasori gave him a flat look, but eased his grip slightly. Deidara didn't say anything. Any response was better than none at all. "D...d...danna, please stop. Let go of me..." Sasori glared at him.

"I have to finish this, brat. Stop whining, or I will stop, and you're going to lose both of your arms. Now, behave!" The tears in Deidara's eye overflowed, and he broke down into quiet sobs. Sasori hesitated for a few moments, looking up at his partner, and reached up to rest one hand on Deidara's cheek.

"Sasori-danna?" He whimpered. Why was Sasori doing this?! Why wouldn't he just pick a nature?! Evil or nice, it really wasn't that hard!

"Enough, Deidara. I'm almost done, brat." Deidara sniffed and nodded against Sasori's hand, closing his eye.

"Yes, Sasori-danna, un." Deidara managed to hold still until Sasori sat back with a satisfied smirk.

"I'm done. If you can get some bandages, I'll wrap your arms up until they heal." Deidara looked down at his salve coated arms, which already didn't hurt as much as they had. He grinned down at his partner.

"If I go get the bandages now, can you finish it up, un?" Sasori sighed.

"Hurry it up, brat." Deidara slid off of the bed and scurried out of the room, quickly returning with a large roll of bandages.

"Right here, Sasori-danna, un!" He dropped them into Sasori's lap. He recieved a sigh.

"Alright, then. Sit down again." Deidara obediently did so and held his arms out expectantly. Sasori expertly wrapped Deidara's arms up. When he looked up at his partner's face, he realized that tears were running down Deidara's cheeks. Sasori frowned. Did it hurt?

"It's okay, Sasori-danna. It doesn't hurt that much any more." Sasori stared at Deidara, searching his partner's face for signs of deception. Wow, for a ninja, Deidara sucked at lying. He hesitated for a moment, remembering what his grandmother had done when he was really little and had scraped his knees. Then, much to Deidara's and his surprise, he sat up on his knees and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. Deidara stared at him, shocked.

"Sasori-danna?!" He demanded. Sasori looked away.

"Sorry." He said quietly.

"No, it's fine...you surprised me." Deidara offered Sasori a weak grin. Sasori nodded matter-of-factly.

"You were making rice, weren't you, brat?" He asked.

"I was before I got burned, un." He said quietly.

"Why'd you even catch the damn pot?" Sasori asked.

"Habit, un. You know, with ninja reflexes and all, you normally catch everything that falls, un..." He gave Sasori a sheepish grin. Sasori stared up at him for a few moments before sitting up on his knees to stare up at Deidara on eye level.

"You're an idiot, brat." Sasori reached up and gently ruffled Deidara's hair. "Hn...you still want that rice?" Deidara immediately brightened.

"Rice? Yay, un!" He gingerly hugged Sasori before sliding off of the bed and running down the hallway to the kitchen. "FOOD!!!" Sasori sighed, scowled, and followed his partner down the hallway. Little brat. Oh well. Rice he had promised, and rice Deidara would get.

**Epilouge**

Itachi and Kisame returned to the base looking quite pleased with themselves. Sasori wondered what was up with them, considering Kisame had that evil shark grin that meant that he had done something meant to drive Sasori/Deidara/Itachi insane. Well, Itachi seemed to be okay...so Kisame had done something to drive him/Deidara insane. And Sasori had found something that looked like a scale off of either Kisame or his Sameheda on the stove by the fallen pot had been. Wait...Kisame had...THAT GODDAMN MATCH-MAKING SHARK WAS DEAD! Screams echoed through the base that night as Kisame found a number of scorpions in his bed.

A/N: This was a random thing that came up in the middle of the night...so...review?


End file.
